So much to say and yet so hard to say it

Most people suffer from writers block, where they run out of ideas or they have a hard time putting things down in black and white. I have the complete opposite problem. I have so many ideas in my head and so many things to comment on or to write about that they all get jumbled up in a huge mass and fight with each other trying to get out.

Try as I might to get my thoughts organized into cohesive bits and strings of rational commentary nothing seems to come of it. I have tried just about every thing in the books about organization but I still have the same old problem, organization.

I have tried jotting down on bits of paper the things that pop into my head but those fleeting pieces of paper disappear into the netherĀ  never to be seen again.

I used to carry a large organizer that I spent to much money on thinking that that would be the impetus to actually use it, NOT. The only benefit of carrying that thing around all the time was one arm longer than the other. I would open it from time to time but mostly it was just an albatross. Thinking of it now, it is sitting somewhere gathering dust.

The electronics age hasn’t helped much either. I have a huge collection of electronic gadgets in a box in my closet taking up space but not accomplishing much else. Does anyone remember the Handspring? It is an amazing gadget that would take different modules for a multitude of tasks. You could plug in a module to do diagnostics on a car or another to check your blood sugar or yet another to read barcode. Back in the day it was the cutting edge of technology and was, in my opinion, The first PDA/cell phone. I have about a dozen of those things plus the docks and cables and all of the detritus that accompanies them but did I ever get organized, No. If anything, I became distracted by all of the little gadgets that you could get for it and forgot about what they were originally intended for.

I thought that the iPhone would assist me in my quest to get organized and be able to put my thoughts out into the the nether. I have had the 3g, 3gs and 4 but all I got for my efforts was a huge headache and information overload. Having mobile access to the world wide web is not a good thing all of the time. If anything it has made my problem insurmountable now because all the ideas in my head are now being joined by all of the other ideas floating around on the web. To make matters even more abysmal, I have now added the Samsung Galaxy Note II to the list of gadgets and it is worse now because it is so much better at distracting me than the iPhone ever was.

In College, I had a writing Professor tell me that my biggest problem was “perfection”. Every thing has to be perfect the first time around or I get caught up in the fact that it is not and become frustrated with it to the point of not doing anything. His suggestion was to get it down first and then worry later about making it perfect, yeah, right. Easier said than done. In the years since then I have come to my own conclusion, I don’t want to. Some how, subconsciously, I have decided that I don’t want to organize my ideas, I don’t want to write things down, I just don’t want to. I have yet to come up with a better reason for my personal peccadillo and still no way to convince myself that I actually Do want to do it, because I actually do, I really really do.